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Anti-circumcision advocates say their cause is 'shock treatment for the American public'
This Comforting Prayer Can Help You Grieve Your Pet
Have you ever had to put your dog to sleep? (I hate that euphemism but asking if you ever had to kill your dog seems too harsh.)
I have. Several times. And I will have to yet again. Murphy, my Goldendoodle, is 11 years old and tiring. When the time comes, I will hold her head in my arms, stroke her back, whisper my love into her ear, and cry as the vet ends her life with a lethal injection.
But then what?
In Judaism we mark the death of a parent, sibling, or child with a week-long period of mourning when friends and family visit, bring food, and make themselves available for conversation and comfort-giving. I suggest we do something similar for our deceased animal friends as well.
When Murphy dies, I want to grieve my loss with loved ones and friends. I want people to drop by that day with food (human food, not dog food), and stick around to talk. I want my living room filled with photos of Murph. I want to tell stories of her life. I want to confess my love and share my loss in public. (See our story “Support for the Bereaved Animal Lover.”)
When I have shared this idea, people often object that I am treating my dog as I would a person. Is my love of Murphy the same as my love for my dad who died a few years ago?
The same? No. My love for my dad is in spite of difficult memories. My love for Murphy has no such memories.
For example, my dad and I would play catch in our backyard. My dad played first base when he was in the Army, and he was as loyal to his beloved Yankees as he was to his no less beloved Jews. He wanted me to grow up to be a solid ball player and playing catch with him was always a test of my forever lagging abilities. Murphy and I also play catch, but with her there is no test and nothing to prove. We play for the sheer joy of me throwing something and her catching it, racing it back to me, then wrestling with me to get it out of her mouth. Honestly, in many ways my love for Murphy is purer than my love for my dad.
This is on my mind because someone emailed me asking for a prayer to offer when “I have to release my dog from this life.” I sent her the following. She found it helpful; perhaps you will as well:
Return home, beloved.
Return to the one in whom we live and move and have our being.
Return with my love surrounding you.
Return with my tears dampening your head.
Return with the pure being, consciousness and bliss you embodied while alive. Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for caring for me and allowing me to care for you.
Thank you for showing me I am needed.
Thank you for cultivating a love in me so deep that
even heartbreak and grief cannot quell it.
Lech b’shalom, beloved friend, go in peace.
This post courtesy of Spirituality & Health.
More than 70% of America’s packaged food supply is ultra-processed, the fourth and final group of foods, that are are “industrial formulations” derived from hydrogenated fats and modified starch, and are synthesized in laboratories, finds a new study that analyzed 230,156 store products.
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Can You Marry with Confidence if You Marry Quickly?
Usually, I usually advise people to get to know a potential spouse over time, for at least six months to a year, before committing to marriage. Yet, Marina’s story shows that a much shorter courtship can sometimes result in a good marriage. While I strongly believe that my advice generally holds true, exceptions do exist.
Marina was 43 when she attended my “Marry with Confidence” workshop in 2009. Divorced nine years earlier, she was raising two teenagers as a single parent and working full-time as a computer engineer in San Francisco. She said she wasn’t sure she wanted to marry.
Three years later, Marina was married. How did she go from being not-so-interested to taking the leap? Here’s her story:
“My mom told my kids to pressure me to get married. She said that if I didn’t, I’d be on their backs all the time, because I’d be lonely,” Marina said. “I was lonely. I thought my life was over. I was devastated. Then I decided that whoever proposed to me, I’d say yes. I told God, ‘but You’d better send someone good.'”
With Help from a Friend
Two and a half months later, a friend’s daughter told Marina that her friend, Rena, a Toronto psychologist, knew a man in her area who she sensed would be right for her. Alex was a computer programmer, 47, divorced, and had been wanting to marry for some time. He’d gone on dates with many women, but none were to his liking. Like Marina, he was Jewish and had emigrated from Russia with his family at a young age.
When Maria contacted Rena, she asked Marina for a list of ten qualities she wanted a husband. “No problem,” thought Marina, who’d kept the list she’d made three years earlier at my “Marry with Confidence” workshop.
“I have somebody for you,” said Rena, after seeing the list.
“Rena then sent me Alex’s list,” Marina told me. “I was nine out of ten.”
After they had three Skype conversations, Alex flew from Toronto to San Francisco to meet Marina. “He was funny, smart, and kind,” she told me, “so I knew something would be wrong. I guessed he’d be short. When I picked him up at the airport, I saw I was right.”
Their First Date
She drove him around San Francisco for eight hours, she said. “We ate piroshki at a friend’s house. Later, I told my friend, ‘We spent the whole day in my car and I don’t have feelings for him.’ My friend said, ‘If you didn’t kill each other, that’s good enough.’”
The next day she brought him to Santa Cruz, then back to her place, where he met her mother. Then they went to Marina’s favorite place, the Cliff House, where they drank tea and could see the ocean.
The day after that was the 4th of July. As he’d be leaving the next day, Marina said, “What next?”
“We’re getting married,” said Alex.
“What?” said Marina. “I’d like a proper proposal,”
“Will you marry me?” he asked.
After she said yes, fireworks burst forth. A Canadian who wasn’t used to the 4th of July holiday, Alex asked, “Is that because I proposed to you?”
Marina flew to Toronto for their engagement party. “Air Canada lost my baggage. When I told Alex, he said, ‘Let’s go shopping.’” With a smile she added, “What man wants to go shopping?”
Alex and Marina have now been married for seven years and live in San Francisco. “We miss each other during the day when we’re both at work,” she says, “and we still shop together.”
Advice for Marriage-Minded People
Another piece of advice I give to marriage-minded people is to focus on what they really need in a spouse. They should not rule out someone who might be right for them because he or she doesn’t conform to their expectation about height, hair color, or something else. Before meeting Alex in person, Marina expected whoever she would marry to be taller than she was. Had she seen Alex in person before getting to know him on Skype, she would have known he was shorter than she was, and she might not have gotten to know him.
Marina’s story shows the importance of being willing to accept someone who lacks a less essential quality we might have in mind, but who has more important traits, such as similar values, good character, and overall compatibility.
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