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More Flu Deaths Reported in US Cities with Pro Sports Teams
More Flu Deaths Reported in US Cities with Pro Sports Teams
https://ift.tt/2AalVRb June 28, 2020 at 03:10AM https://ift.tt/1R552o9
5 Reasons Your Definition of Love Sets You Up for Failure
Unlucky in love? Your definition of love is probably the reason.
Universally, there are only two things every person wants: Love and money. Of the two, money is so much simpler to understand and obtain. It’s transactional. You provide a service. You make money. Done.
The definition of love, on the other hand, is harder to pin down. And so much more complicated when what you think you know is both ironic and contradictory.
Love is fleeting. Love is forever. It’s all-consuming, yet mercurial. Difficult to keep.
A marriage is love that lasts a lifetime, though you better enjoy the honeymoon period, because it won’t last. And watch out for the seven-year itch!
10 Things Truly Happy Couples Do Daily to Keep Their Love Strong
Even with evidence that marriage doesn’t equal love and love doesn’t last, you still pretend that it will. That’s a pretty high and unrealistic bar you’ve just set for yourself.
So, what is your definition of love, and how could it be holding you back in your relationship?
Sure, I have no doubt that you’ve been in love before. And what happened? Your experiences never matched up to all those fairy tales you consumed as a child.
You think it does… At first. You’ve cast them as the leading role in the movie you’re acting out in your mind.
Your brain is your most powerful sex organ, after all. Then, that exciting, heady rush of attraction and lust burns out.
Maybe it lasted long enough to get married. And maybe you got married anyway, even though you knew it was already gone, turning love (and sex) into just another transaction.
Done. You might not have the love you want, but at least, you can check that box, right?
Most people aren’t happy in their relationships, married or not. You either keep repeating the same patterns over and over again in a neverending cycle, or you just give up and decide this is the best you can get.
You couldn’t crack the code, so either something is wrong with you, or love doesn’t exist at all.
Neither is true. Your definition of love is wrong.
Here are 5 ways your definition of love is setting you up for failure.
1. You Equate Someone’s “Need” for You as Love.
Have you ever said or been told, “I need you?” It’s not a compliment.
Need signifies emotional lack and dependence. It might bolster the ego, but it is a subtle manipulation intended to tie you together through obligation and guilt.
There is a fine line between being needed or needy that quickly turns into responsibility. That’s control, not love.
2. You Believe It Validates You.
What comes to mind with this one is the noxious line from the movie, Jerry Maguire: “You complete me.” Yuck. Did you almost throw up in your mouth a little, too?
Looking for external validation in a relationship is a zero-sum game. Once you let false beliefs define you, you’re now stuck on the hamster wheel of not smart enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not good enough, not enough.
If you don’t already know your worth, no one else will.
Love is not service. Or sacrifice. Jumping through hoops in a relationship is always about power and lack of boundaries.
Again, that’s control, not love.
3. You Believe It Should Be Unconditional.
The idea of unconditional love is probably the most insidious and damaging myth of all time. Why would you ever believe it’s a good thing? Without boundaries, the door is wide open for any kind of bad behavior, poor judgment and all types of abuse… Without consequence.
And what is it really saying? You won’t be loved if there are conditions? If that is the case, you aren’t giving yourself or your partner much credit, are you?
And if your relationship truly can’t survive with conditions, then that’s control, not love.
4. You Think It Should Last Forever.
Everything in life is a cycle. Birth. Life. Death. And the same is true with relationships. They are constantly changing and evolving.
And how could they not, when the world is constantly changing and evolving? When you are constantly changing and evolving?
Do you expect that your favorite color as a child would be your favorite color forever? No, of course not.
Your preferences, goals and desires change over time with experience. So, thinking your relationship will last forever is also unrealistic.
And it absolutely won’t last if you’ve already pre-determined what it has to be in the future… Because it means you aren’t paying attention to it in the here and now.
And guess what? That predetermination is control, not love.
The 5 Biggest Misconceptions About How to Love (and Be Loved Back)
5. You Believe It Should Come Without Cost.
Love is never freely given. There is always a cost. And why wouldn’t there be? It wouldn’t have any value, otherwise.
The difference is that real love is earned. But control disguised as love is paid for again, and again, and again.
It’s difficult to tell the difference when the spotlight of attention on you feels so good. Eventually, that feel-good glow is replaced with obligation, guilt, and shame.
You’re constantly paying into a relationship with what’s left of your self-esteem, always trying to prove your worth. The idea of love and what this relationship is “supposed to be” has become more important than you or your partner.
And now, neither of you are getting what you want, but you both go along with it because you don’t see any other choice. That’s control, not love.
No one can give you what you can’t find in yourself. Attention is not love. Service is not love. Sacrifice is not love. Obligation is not love.
You never need to lose yourself in a relationship. The relationship is there to serve you, not the other way around.
Love is not a destination. And it isn’t a substitute for worth.
Your capacity for love starts with you first. You teach everyone around you how to treat you based on how you treat you. This is only learned through the boundaries you insist on for yourself and others.
Love is earned through respect, appreciation, vulnerability and dedicated care. When you give them to yourself first, others have to treat you in kind to earn them from you in return.
Otherwise, they have no place in your life. Once earned though, love is a choice. One you can keep making… or not… based on how it serves you and how it makes you feel about yourself. And in a world of infinite choices, choosing and being chosen is the only love that is truly real.
This guest article was first published on YourTango.com: 5 Ways Your Definition Of Love Is Holding You Back.
Psychology Around the Net: June 27, 2020
This week’s Psychology Around the Net takes a look at new research on “mommy brain,” how ultrasounds might be the next big non-invasive research tool and treatment option for brain disorders, the latest state to remove mental health questions from the state bar application, and more.
Stay well, friends!
Does ‘Mommy Brain’ Last? Study Shows Motherhood Does Not Diminish Attention: Well, not sure I’m buying this just yet (ha!), but new research out of Purdue University might have debunked the “mommy brain” theory. By studying mothers who were at least one year postpartum — and not early postpartum, as most earlier studies have done — this new research shows that mothers are equally attentive, or even more attentive, than non-mothers.
New Hampshire Removes Mental Health Questions From Bar Application: The New Hampshire Supreme Court Committee on Character and Fitness has decided questions about mental health history, diagnosis, and treatment discourage law students from seeking treatment for mental health and substance abuse problems, and those questions have now been removed from the state bar admission application. Says Megan Carpenter, dean and professor of law at the University of New Hampshire Franklin Pierce School of Law: “Depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are common in the legal profession, and as a program of legal education we have a special opportunity – and a moral obligation – to help support and facilitate the health and well-being of our future lawyers. We are grateful to the New Hampshire Supreme Court and the Board of Bar Examiners for their partnership and commitment to future lawyers in the state.”
Learning Relationship Safety Signals to Build a Secure Self: Building a secure self can help solidify your sense of safety and security, regulate your emotions, and offer an inner platform from which you can explore the world.
Our Kids Are Watching How We Act Right Now: “Our kids—our little kids, our big kids, our teenagers and our grown kids—are watching us right now. They are looking to us to teach them how to manage the anxiety that comes from navigating life in a pandemic. They are looking to us to understand how to make sense of living in such a divided country. They need us to talk to them about these things, but they also need to see us doing the right things—regardless of whether everyone else in line is setting the same example.”
6 Ways to Eliminate the Emotional Baggage that Creates Low Self Esteem: Dr. Audrey Sherman offers six key tips to help you as you begin your journey to healthy self-esteem.
Aiming Ultrasound at the Brain Raises Hope of New Treatments: Ultrasounds can show us what’s inside the body, but can they manipulate what’s happening? When using frequencies lower than sonogram frequencies and beyond the human hearing range, neuroscientists can use ultrasounds to penetrate the human skull and affect brain activity — and if researchers can prove that ultrasound can safely and predictably affect brain activity, then ultrasound might become a major research tool as well as a possible means of treating brain disorders.
Photo by Juan Cruz Mountford on Unsplash.
Common food additive causes adverse health effects in mice: Researchers find TiO2 nanoparticles produce inflammation in colon
Common food additive causes adverse health effects in mice: Researchers find TiO2 nanoparticles produce inflammation in colon submitted by /u/stankmanly
[link] [comments] https://ift.tt/eA8V8J June 27, 2020 at 11:11PM https://ift.tt/1R552o9
[link] [comments] https://ift.tt/eA8V8J June 27, 2020 at 11:11PM https://ift.tt/1R552o9
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