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COVID: The Optimistic Case for Mental Health
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Preschoolers are mask-licking germ bombs — yet few catch the coronavirus, data show
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The Parent’s Balancing Act: Using the Word ‘No’
Among many other things, parenthood inherently carries a significant responsibility for guiding the child’s unruly behavior into positive outlets. This is important not only for the child to become a functional and productive adult in society, but also to engage the child’s potential to find success and fulfillment. It is no small order for parents to find a way to allow their child to develop freely and independently, while also helping them adhere to societal expectations and develop a sense of morals and ethics that will ensure fewer barriers of resistance in life.
One way parents must accomplish this is to strike the appropriate balance for the use of the word, “No.” Before age two, children have little to no self control over their impulses, so expecting automatic compliance at this point would be futile for the parent. Instead, during toddlerhood and the early childhood years, we focus on gentle correction and redirecting.
Allowing safe exploration and natural consequences to occur is a great way for a child to experience their own understanding of the limits of their world. This direct process of learning should be encouraged as much as possible while the parent keeps an ever observant attention, so that they can intervene when necessary to keep the child safe.
Limiting the use of the word “no” or other corrective statements with negative connotation is an important key for parents to avoid triggering power struggles. The imposition of the word is enough for some children to automatically defy the direction in order to assert their own independence. Children at this age are still developing their autonomy and being told “no” can feel arbitrarily limiting to this process. Especially if this occurs frequently enough, the child may develop an associative pattern for how they respond, instead of thinking through individual choices and decisions, they become triggered by the word and the feeling associated with being corrected and their “go to” response may become defiance, no matter the circumstance.
Instead, try flipping every redirection into a positive statement that encourages the desired behavior:
- Instead of “No screaming” — try “inside voices, please.”
- Instead of “No running” — try “walking feet, please.”
- Instead of “No hitting” — try “keep your hands to yourself, please.”
When issued as gentle reminders, the child may be more receptive to adopt the positive behavior as opposed to “stopping” the inappropriate behavior in which they are already engaged.
This concept works well for responding to your child’s requests, too:
For example, if your child repeatedly asks for a play date on a school night, instead of, “No, not today,” try, “Tonight is a school night, but Saturday would be a great time to invite your friends to play.” This offers both an objective explanation as well as an alternative plan, as opposed to shutting down the child’s earnest request with no other feedback. It is in this way, the parent is able to create and enforce practical limits without triggering the negative emotions and pushback that is often associated with the word “No.”
But every balancing act has two sides. The flipside of this argument is that your child still needs to learn to cope with simply being told, “No.” If every request or behavior is sidestepped creatively, your child might have trouble coping with another expectation or adult that is not so adept at avoiding power struggles. Therefore, the use of the word or simple correction that offers no additional context should still be intentionally practiced, especially when the answers are more cut and dry.
Some good examples of these would be anything that is related to the child’s safety. Crossing the road, holding hands in the parking lot, not touching hazardous items such as medicine, guns, knives, etc. These types of expectations are simply rules to keep the child safe and they must learn to adhere to them even without additional explanation. And in this case, if the child resists the direction, you can calmly remind them that we all must abide by rules for safety and this is one of the rules. Some things are just non-negotiable.
There will be times when even negotiable things must be denied by the parent for one reason or another and these incidents must just be practiced on occasion, too.
Maintaining a positive disciplinary position while also cultivating a healthy respect for rules and authority is not an easy task and it must be tailored to each individual child based on his or her temperament and responsiveness. But working through this dynamic early on will set the precedent for all behavior and expectation related incidents throughout the child’s adolescence and beyond.
The post The Parent’s Balancing Act: Using the Word 'No' first appeared on World of Psychology.
Psychology Around the Net: August 29, 2020
Before we get on with this week’s Psychology Around the Net, I need to let you know that this will be the last one.
Healthline has purchased Psych Central and content production stops August 31, 2020. Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central’s founder and our fearless leader, recently shared his reflections and gratitude.
Additionally, many of our talented and knowledgeable contributers have shared goodbye posts, and invitations to follow their new blogs.
Now, let’s see what’s new in the world of mental health this week!
The Psychology Behind Why Some College Students Break COVID-19 Rules: According to developmental psychologists, some college students are making risky decisions regarding the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing (or, lack thereof) not because of teenage recklessness and vanity but because of their development and mental resilience. Due to their rapidly developing amygdala and the fact that there frontal cortex hasn’t caught up yet, they’re pretty much wired to take risks. At the same time, they depend on the social connections college (usually) offers to build their identities. Pair those factors with still trying to process the pandemic and the mixed messages they’re getting from adults and you’ve got a perfect recipe for COVID-19 rule-breaking.
Mental Health Resilience Tied to Fewer COVID-19 Worries: Speaking of resilience, results from a new survey show an association between higher resilience scores and lower coronavirus-related worries. Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine in Philadelphia surveyed 3,042 people (65 percent female; with a mean age of 39 years). Participants reported significantly more worries about their family members getting sick with COVID-19 and unknowingly infecting other people with the virus than about getting COVID-19 themselves.
Got Fatigue? Study Further Pinpoints Brain Regions That May Control It: Using MRI scans and computer modeling, researchers at John Hopkins Medicine say they have further located areas in the human brain that regulate efforts to deal with fatigue. These findings could help advance the development of strategies that increase physical performance as well as shine light on the neural mechanisms that contribute to fatigue in people with depression, multiple sclerosis, and stroke.
Playfulness Can Be Trained — Here’s Why You Should Do It: In a new study, researchers had participants perform exercises designed to boost their playfulness and found that the playfulness trait can be stimulated and trained, and that it can improve a person’s mood and life satisfaction.
How to Stop Yourself From Suffering Burnout: According to Anne Helen Petersen, author of Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation, one way is to work less. But how?
Happiness Museum Looks at Brighter Feelings in Uncertain Times: Amid these current confusing and worrisome times, the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen has opened its Happiness Museum. According to the Institute’s CEO Meik Wiking, they came up with the idea because they’ve had so many requests from the public to visit their office space. After all, one would think the office space of the Happiness Research Institute would be something special, yeah? As it turns out, they’re “just eight people sitting in front of computers looking at data.” Says Wiking: “So we thought, why don’t we create a place where people can experience happiness from different perspectives and give them an exhibition where they can become a little bit wiser around some of the questions we try to solve?”
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
The post Psychology Around the Net: August 29, 2020 first appeared on World of Psychology.
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