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There are no easy answers to the questions about bringing kids back into classrooms this fall. Parents, school administrators and educators must instead weigh two bad options: isolate children at home or risk them getting and spreading COVID-19 through in-person contact.
That decision is daunting even for infectious disease experts and epidemiologists. Over the last few months, they have been forced to think about the pandemic not only as scientists and scholars, but as parents, and despite their wealth of knowledge, like any parents, these experts are grappling with uncertainty. There are ways to limit the spread of the COVID-19, including masks and ventilation, but there is no way to guarantee zero risk of disease transmission in schools. At the same time, remote learning can exact its own toll, setting back children’s mental health, academic achievement, and social development, and leaving their parents exhausted and demoralized.
In interviews with TIME, 10 experts explained how they’re trying to strike a delicate balance: between their children’s academic and emotional needs; the risk to their communities; keeping their children and their families safe from the virus; and trying to preserve their own sanity and careers.
Barocas’s 7-year-old son and 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter are enrolled in second grade and preschool, respectively, at Boston public schools. The school year at Boston public schools has been delayed until Sept. 21, and, initially, all learning will be remote; the school district will then phase in a hybrid model combining in-person and remote classes starting in October. Barocas plans to start sending his children to school in-person as soon as it’s available—so long as the positivity rate in their neighborhood does not start to rise.
“We can only control what we can control. I don’t have some magic wand that can make the school district do everything that I want them to do. So can my kids protect themselves? As an infectious disease physician who’s been dealing with COVID since the very beginning, my kids have learned how to wear a mask properly and even though it’s uncomfortable, they do it. And it was something they have made a habit of. They’ve also been doing a lot of hand-washing, and they have been sort of taught and reinforced that at this point, we need to give people space … In all of those discussions, we made it clear that this was not just to protect themselves, but to protect other people as well.”
While her local school district was offering a hybrid option, Smith decided that her 6-year-old son, a first grader in Kent, Ohio’s school district, will attend all-remote classes. Meanwhile, her 18-year-old son was slated to attend Kent State this fall, which is offering mainly remote courses, but has decided to delay starting college because he found it difficult to learn remotely.
“I feel that transmission is too high here. We don’t have it under control. We still don’t have enough testing, and I just did not feel comfortable sending [my younger son] back to school in person … I thought since we had the ability to school him [at home], that for other parents that don’t have that option, this would be one less child that was in the classroom, and give them a little bit more space.”
Powers’ three children ages 11, 9, and 5, will be remotely attending sixth grade, fourth grade and kindergarten, respectively, at a charter school in Hillsborough, N.C., which has gone all remote at least through mid-October. She had been involved with the school’s planning for the fall, and had initially advocated for the school to have in-person classes for students in kindergarten through fourth grade, but ended up agreeing with the school’s decision due to the increased level of community spread in North Carolina in recent months.
“I do think ultimately the decision to hold off on reopening was a prudent one, at least from a transmission-prevention standpoint. But obviously, there are so many negative repercussions outside of just the coronavirus to consider when choosing what to do. It’s hard to feel great about any option they could have selected.”
For the coming school year, the San Francisco Unified School District plans to employ only distance learning, so Rustagi’s 7-year-old daughter, a second grader, will be learning from home; the family plans to hire a nanny to help out. Rustagi originally planned to send her other daughter, a 2-year-old, to a private preschool, but ultimately decided that the risk and financial expense was too great.
“In a community in which there’s ongoing, widespread, sustained community transmission, I think that the burden generally has to be on proving that it is safe to return to school, rather than proving it’s unsafe to resume school.”
Doernberg’s 6-year-old and 8-year-old, like Rustagi’s children, are in the San Francisco Unified School District, which has gone all-remote. But in their case, both will attend an “on-site learning camp” with counselors provided by UCSF, where they will gather with small groups of other children in-person; these small groups, in turn, will connect remotely with others in their grade level for online learning.
“To be honest, I would have felt comfortable sending my kids back now with having kids spaced apart, enforcing mask wearing, and if they could educate—as much as possible—outdoors … I think there’s risk in everything we do in life, and there’s some risk to sending them to school during the pandemic, but I think the potential benefits for getting kids back to school are really great.”
Bodnar’s three children attend fourth, seventh and 10th grade in the Mount Lebanon School District near Pittsburgh, which will begin the school year all-remote. She says distance learning this past spring “was not a good learning experience” for her children, but feels encouraged by the schools’ efforts to add more structure to the digital school day this fall.
“I’m much more hopeful that the kids will have a better experience learning, that it will be closer to what it could be in school. I know that they will be safer. I am not fully convinced that all of their needs will be met.”
Lloyd-Smith’s son, 4, and daughter, 6, both go to a school in Santa Monica that has gone all remote. His son would normally be in preschool; instead, he will be in a “pod” with two other children, led by an assistant teacher. The pod will meet outdoors (with masks on) for three hours every morning. His daughter will be doing some play and some academic work with three other children and a teacher several afternoons a week in-person in the families’ backyards, in addition to remote learning.
“As a parent, even though I understand that the risk to younger children from COVID is quite low, there are exceptions to that. And so as a parent, of course, that’s always on your mind. You don’t want to put your child at risk, even if it’s a low risk.”
Albrecht’s 5-year-old daughter will be attending kindergarten in Queens; her school is using a hybrid model, in which the class is split into two groups, and each goes into the classroom two or three days each week on an alternating basis. She says that with the low rate of community transmission in New York City, combined with her daughter’s needs and the precautions at her school—including masking for everyone—she feels “quite comfortable” sending her to school.
“For my daughter, it was hands down. It wasn’t even a debate, actually. We selected the hybrid model, and to be honest, if the five day in-person model was available, we would have selected that … A lot of the learning happens in terms of interaction. There’s a lot of socio, emotional type of learning that happens at that age. And it’s just very difficult to deliver that kind of education through remote outlets.”
Robinson has kept her sons, 18 months and 5 years old, in daycare through most of the COVID-19 outbreak. Her older son is attending kindergarten in the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City school district, which has gone all-remote through January; during that time frame, he’ll still be attending in-person daycare, while also taking remote classes provided by the public-school kindergarten.
“I was more concerned about … posing a danger to these teachers versus a danger to my children. I decided that given the restrictions they’ve put in [at his school], they’re following all the state mandates and being pretty careful, I felt comfortable with it. But I’ve also made decisions that we’re not seeing other family members, that we ourselves are not socializing with other people outside the school unless it’s masked or outside, distanced. Because we want to make sure we don’t become a vector of transmission for people in the school.”
Oren’s sons, ages 12 and 9, are entering sixth and fourth grade, respectively, in the San Diego Unified School District, which plans to be all-remote initially, but is discussing shifting to a hybrid model later on. He says that he would consider sending his children to in-person classes, but will weigh in many different factors—including his sons’ differing personalities and whether there will be distance between children, and if they will spend substantial time outside. Parents must “look out for their own family” and make their own decisions given all the uncertainty, says Oren.
“I need to be convinced by my very particular school and teacher and so on that they know what they’re doing. That for me is important. Not just the broader district saying, ‘here’s what we’re doing.’”
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August 28, 2020 at 04:36PM Wellness Mama® https://ift.tt/2hMTHxr https://ift.tt/eA8V8JIs there anybody in this world who has not regretted a decision they’ve made or a path they’ve taken? I doubt it. Yet, how people respond to their regrets varies considerably.
What do you do most often?
As you may have guessed, the best way to deal with regrets is to acknowledge what you did wrong or didn’t do well, then learn from the experience. This is best done by treating yourself respectfully and kindly. If, in contrast, you disrespect yourself (what an idiot I am, how cowardly I was, how could I have done what I did), you will learn little as you will be too busy beating yourself up.
We all make mistakes. The best of us learn from them, becoming wiser, stronger and better in the process. Interested in following that route? Here are a few guidelines for you:
Consider the circumstances surrounding your mistake. Were you feeling pressured to do what you did? Were you lacking in important information at the time? Were there stressors that impaired your judgment? Were you feeling vulnerable, without support or love? Were your actions emotionally driven, rather than well thought out?
As you take the time to answer these questions, you’ll realize how complex seemingly simple decisions may be. An example: Julie’s personality had two distinct sides: she was a rebel and a pleaser. The pleaser part won out when she married the first guy her parents approved of. It wasn’t until 3 years later that she recognized that the ‘right’ guy for her parents was the ‘wrong’ guy for her.
You may not be able to undo your mistake, yet you can still take appropriate action. If someone was hurt by your decision, you can apologize and make amends. If that’s impossible, you can do good in this world to make up for what you did wrong. Good actions often have a ripple effect, expanding beyond the moment.
An example: Mike was drinking that awful night. The crash came so suddenly, he didn’t even remember it. He just remembered waking up in the hospital, aching in every part of his body. But that pain was nothing compared to the pain he felt when he learned that he had killed his best friend. How could he go on? No way could he undo that night. It was. It is. And it will always be.
After Mike got out of the hospital, he had to find out how to live. First, he tearfully asked for forgiveness from his friend’s family. Then, he had to forgive himself. He decided the best way to do so would be to dedicate his life to helping others as a penance for his grievous mistake. Over time, he did good in the world, not as a penance, but because that was the type of person he had become.
If you feel stuck, believing that there’s nothing you can do to change matters, let things be. That doesn’t mean you can’t take a step forward in a different direction. Doesn’t matter how big that step is, just take it.
Since he was a little kid, Rick’s family expected him to go into the family business after high school. And he did. Now 15 years later, he’s earning a nice income but he doesn’t believe it’s been worth it. Rick says, “Many days I wonder what I would have become if I didn’t take the easy way out.” If Rick wants to explore who he could have been if he hadn’t followed in his father’s footsteps, he doesn’t have to quit the business. Instead, he can consider how to use his creativity to take the business in a new direction. Or to blaze a new trail in a different area of life. Or to use his free time to take up creative endeavors, like writing or painting.
Now what about you? If your regrets have taken up residence in your brain, you know it’s time to let them go. Yes, there’s a time to regret. A time to learn from your regrets. And a time to let your regrets go. A time to reflect on the past. And a time to move forward, making better decisions, finding deeper meaning in your life.
©2020
The post Learning from Your Regrets first appeared on World of Psychology.
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