 |
submitted by /u/discocrisco [link] [comments] |
Activities that take attention and demands away from the self can rest and refresh the mind. We use distraction, focus, and just “being” for this purpose automatically, whether we realize it or not. Binge watching a television series, playing a sport or a game of chess, and daydreaming are examples. But life is stressful. Having a few extra coping strategies can help ease that stress and bring a feeling of control back to both body and mind. Here are six options to consider.
It might sound strange to talk about exercise as being restful, but moving the body creates changes that help clear the mind as well as relax the body, especially if you are experiencing chronic stress. A short walk at lunchtime can do the job as well as more strenuous or longer bouts of movement. Dancing, a game of ping pong, or lifting weights can help, too. You don’t have to run marathons to receiving this kind of benefit though that’s okay, too. Do something you enjoy, and watch your overall wellness score improve.
A lot of our time is spent waiting. Rather than worrying or feeling frustrated because you are stuck and can’t get to the other twelve errands you need to complete today, take a look around you. Public transit and grocery store lines offer a glimpse into the lives of others. Maybe that young mom struggling with a toddler mid-tantrum could use your seat on the bus. Maybe you wonder what in the world will be for dinner as the older couple in front of you debate prices and remove items from their cart. Has that businessman with the dozen roses found love? What will that student do for the world? Even if you never know the truth, stepping outside of your own thoughts can bring insights and freedoms, always things of value. It helps the wait time pass more pleasantly, too.
Walking or sitting in natural surroundings is an opportunity for healing. Nature makes no demands of us yet gives so much. Peaceful colors, fresh oxygen, and a variety of pleasing textures, and sounds are conducive to finding a spot for contemplation or watching clouds float by. Changing seasons may bring back fond memories or give hope for new ideas. Vast expanses of trees and mountain streams with running water pull us away from worries that take up much of our time, but a simple garden or even an indoor plant can inspire hope every time we look at it.
Today many people still practice the ancient art of meditation in one form or another. Studies show there are physical and mental benefits. People with conditions like depression, anxiety, and chronic pain can respond positively to meditative techniques, and those undergoing treatment for conditions like cancer often are encouraged to add meditation to their daily routine. With many forms to choose from, it is easy to try various techniques in the search for a good fit. From a focus on the breath to guided meditation, there may be several that work for you. Try Qigong, for example. Read about this topic or check options for local instruction. Of the many types of meditation, most have in common the need for uninterrupted time in a peaceful and safe location.
If you have a cat or dog, you are probably familiar with the peaceful feelings watching animals or just stroking their fur gives you. Heartrate slows, and the mind calms. If you don’t have any animals of your own, you can still interact with a variety of species when you visit or volunteer at butterfly houses, zoos, aquariums, or even a friend’s house. Animal shelters can always use a good volunteer. Some also have foster programs for those who can’t adopt. Walking the dogs, socializing puppies, or taking an animal for a weekend visit here and there gives both you and the animal time to focus on something different. There is a peaceful magic about being around animals. They deserve companionship and care just as you do.
We tend to lose the freedom to play as we become adults, but it can be rediscovered when new family members are born. It can also be fostered through hobbies, sports, and other activities. Take an art class or just buy some art materials. Go swimming. Work puzzles. Complete a craft project or two to check out what that feels like. Devote time to imagination. Collect toys. Sit on the porch or find a swing big enough to hold you. If you’re going camping, bring along a hammock. Enjoy getting together with families and friends.
All of these activities take you away from the stresses in your life and restore your soul’s balance. Include them in your regular routine, and make time for other people as well. Want to slow down time? Pull out one of your coping strategies and focus on that for a while.
Holidays can be wonderful, but they can also feel like a mountain of obligations. Juggling all the activities and having to be around family can make anyone lose their patience. Even when the holidays are fun, certain situations can be challenging.
In this article you’ll learn some tips for handling those challenges with confidence.
The busyness of the holidays makes keeping up with self-care difficult. There’s no time to get a work out in or enjoy some “me” time. Unfortunately, putting self-care aside contributes to feeling more irritable and stressed out. It’s much easier to react negatively when your emotional tank is empty.
By taking control of how you spend your time, you can create more of what you want. Of course, you still might choose to attend certain events, but you get to decide for how long and which ones.
So before the holidays, prioritize which events are most important to you. Be careful not to assume that everything is mandatory because that will only increase your frustration.
Instead, take an hour to look at all the upcoming holiday events. Make it a fun coffee date with your partner so you can decide together what will work best. Printing out a large calendar will make it easier to see what’s too much and where you might want to do less.
Task: Doing less for the holidays doesn’t mean that you’re selfish. Trying to please everyone can make the holidays feel like a chore. You deserve to take care of yourself too.
When holiday traditions feel more like obligations, it might be time to do something different. I’m not suggesting that you abandon traditions, but there’s no hard and fast rule that says that you can’t change things up a bit.
Decide what traditions you’d like to continue and which ones could be updated. For instance, is there something you’ve always wanted to do but felt like you couldn’t?
Examples:
Tip: Give yourself permission to start a new tradition to make the holidays fun again.
Holidays can bring out the worst in families when there are unresolved issues. Old hurts get disguised as sarcastic jokes. The tendency to gossip creates tension. Drinking too much creates some heated arguments that can do damage. Before you know it, the holidays have become anything but merry.
Before seeing family, identify those behaviors that provoke arguments. Every family has hot topics that are best to avoid. Even when you don’t initiate it, participating in hurtful behaviors will contribute to the family drama. Here are some quick Do’s and Don’ts to help you out:
Tip: Knowing what pitfalls to avoid will make it easier to create a more meaningful holiday.
In every family there’s usually one person who causes problems whether it’s the alcoholic, the jokester, or the one who always seems to say the wrong thing. When you find yourself reacting, here are some tools to handle it graciously.
Another way to handle criticism is to practice detachment. Not everything requires a response. Sometimes, taking a breath and ask yourself “How important is it?” is the best alternative. Detachment means lovingly not responding directly to what’s happening.
Tip: Practicing detachment doesn’t mean condoning the behavior, it means not reacting to it.
Not wanting to upset others is what keeps most people from setting boundaries this time of year. The assumption that’s it’s easier to say nothing usually creates resentment later.
When people give too much, the spirit of giving gets lost. By giving yourself permission to do something different, you are setting healthy boundaries for yourself. You get to control your time and emotional energy. Sometimes, this creates a new pattern where others start realizing that saying no or doing less has its benefits for them too.
Here are some questions to get some ideas.
Tip: Start by setting boundaries with someone who is more likely to be supportive to increase confidence.
Old hurts tend to surface around the holidays but obsessing over them will likely ruin the fun. Don’t let past hurts control the present.
Consider what you need to take care of yourself. Getting stuck in the “victim version” of the story is common. Instead, look at it from their perspective. Be willing to acknowledge your part in the situation to increase empathy and change your version of the story.
Resentments keep you focused on the past instead of what’s right in front of you. You end up missing the good stuff because the hurt makes it hard to see what’s good!
Find the line between giving and self-care. If you feel resentful you are probably over-giving.
Tips for handling resentments:
The holidays can be a painful time for those struggling with loss. All the messages about gratitude can feel fake where you’re hurting.
Start by honoring how you feel no matter what. If you’re hurt and angry, let that be okay and find a healthy way to express those feelings. Expressing emotions helps get you back to a more neutral place emotionally. Find someone to share what’s happening so you feel less alone. Dealing with the pain of the holidays becomes much harder in isolation.
Then, see if you can write down ten things that are working in your life. This becomes a gentle invitation to get your mind focused on what’s good. This exercise may bring up needs that you haven’t let yourself ask for. Let your self ask for them as a way of taking better care of yourself this year.
Another option is to sit down and feel the love you have in your life. Even if you don’t feel loved, think of someone who loves you. If they’re still living, tell them how much they mean to you. If they have passed, thank them silently and let yourself have a good cry.
Final Thoughts
Managing emotions around the holidays doesn’t have to be complicated. Setting boundaries isn’t easy but taking some steps towards acknowledging your needs can go a long way. Keeping up with your self-care will give you the emotional reserves to handle difficult situations with grace. The ability to advocate for yourself can be the best gift you can give yourself and your family.
