HealthCareTips blog

Feeling Intimidated? You Can Overcome It

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” – Jane Austen

When you walk into a room where you know you’ll interact with, or be amongst, others whom you find to be intimidating, it’s not always easy to quash your fears and adopt the most appropriate behavior. After all, feeling intimidated is uncomfortable. It is, however, rooted in fear. Whether the intimidation is internal and has to do with your own thought processes, or external, having to do with the actions/behavior of others, you can learn to overcome it.

Prepare yourself ahead of time — so you’re not at a loss when dealing with an intimidating person.

Steeling yourself to be mentally tough can seem like good preparation for an upcoming interaction with someone who intimidates you, yet how do you do that effectively? An article in Inc. offered sound advice for just what to do in such a situation, keying in on several pertinent tips (which I’ve embellished a bit from personal experience):

You’re different from the other person. That doesn’t make him/her better than you.
Everyone is human, and we all make mistakes. While you may not know those of the intimidator, he/she has them.
Mentally go through your own positive attributes, accomplishments, traits and beliefs. You are not inadequate. You have much going for you.
Recall people who’ve reinforced your self-confidence in the past, as this can help lower your present stress level and give you the mental resolve to embrace this encounter.
Maybe this individual is not portraying who he/she really is at this moment. Perhaps another persona or attitude has taken over. If you get to know the person better, your perception of how intimidating he/she is may change.

How developing a keen mental edge can protect you from intimidation.

Research from the University of Lincoln that was reported in Science Daily on successful Premier League soccer players revealed that they developed their rare mental attributes — not being intimidated by others, dealing with criticism, confronting challenges after repeated failures — early. According to the research, those players who were mentally toughest were also more independent and took greater personal responsibility for their development. In addition, these highly successful young soccer players showed a fierce desire to learn, were strongly trusting of their coach, eagerly followed instructions, and constantly strived to improve.

A salient point about not being intimidated is to never fear making mistakes. Instead, readily accept challenges and challenging (often uncomfortable or difficult) situations, for when you learn to cope with personal limitations and work on overcoming weaknesses while playing to your talents, abilities and strengths, you’ll boost self-confidence in the process.

Countering public humiliation (“teaching by humiliation”) still needs work.

Medical school is extraordinarily difficult, and the environment is rife with instances of “teaching by humiliation.” A study published in Medical School Online used focus groups of medical students undergoing clinical rotation at the University of Washington School of Medicine and identified emergent themes from qualitative analysis of their responses. Students defined “public humiliation” as that which was “negatively, purposefully induced embarrassment.” Risk factors for public humiliation included the teacher’s tone and intent, in addition to the situations occurring publicly to patients and during surgical/medical procedure. The purpose of the study was to investigate and define public humiliation in the setting of medical student mistreatment, which researchers said is an “enduring problem in medical education.”

A 2015 study published in the Medical Journal of Australia sought to obtain a contemporary understanding of the experience of “teaching by humiliation” that Australian medical students underwent. Students reported experiencing or witnessing teaching by humiliation (74 percent and 83 percent, respectively) during adult clinical rotations. They said the behaviors that were humiliating and intimidating were “mostly more subtle than overt and included aggressive and abusive questioning techniques.” Researchers noted that such practices need to be eradicated, given evidence of how detrimental they are to both the students’ ability to learn and their mental health, not to mention dissonance with the formal professionalism curricula.

While most people aren’t necessarily subjected to public humiliation by teachers, those of us who have this kind of experience are keenly aware how much it erodes belief in yourself and your abilities, as well as hampers your desire to continue to seek knowledge. That said, if you do become humiliated by a teacher — or a supervisor, co-worker, family member, neighbor or friend — do your best not to internalize the humiliation. It isn’t you that’s at fault, but the one perpetrating the humiliation. In medical, academic and other rigid, bureaucratic institutions, such outdated behavior often goes unchallenged, even though it urgently needs changing.

5 Key Takeaways

Well-meaning advice on what to do when you’re being humiliated is good to review, although finding the courage to be assertive and put some of it into practice may still be an uphill battle. After all, who hasn’t suffered the bitter sting of rebuke from a person of authority, whether by a parent or teacher or someone else generally held in high esteem? These tips may offer some solace and serve as a go-to guide on how to keep your sanity and your sense of motivation.

Stop worrying (or caring) about what others think — and what they say about you to your face. Here, it’s important to acknowledge your own ego, for you’re likely afraid other people will see your flaws and call you out on them. You simply cannot keep this up, because accumulated worry will drag you down, sap your energy and cloud your decision-making.
Never give others permission to intimidate you. No one can intimidate you unless you allow it to happen. They may bluster, shout, criticize and complain, even tell you that you’re worthless, but unless you accept this assault, you won’t be intimidated.
Eliminate (or drastically curtail) saying “I’m sorry” for everything. You have nothing to apologize for (unless you do, in which case a heartfelt apology is likely enough to get you past the incident, along with a fervent resolve not to repeat the transgression).
Remember that you have value – always. This is vitally important for you to keep in mind, for others may not acknowledge your value. As often happens in the case of intimidators, they refuse or fail to recognize your value. You are the one who knows your true value, so hold onto that recognition.
When you enter a room where you’ll be in the presence of intimidating others, act like you belong there. It may feel like you’re putting on a show, yet standing tall and striding forth with confidence will help you navigate this awkward and potentially embarrassing situation. By standing tall, you’re also helping yourself breathe, which helps quell butterflies and bolsters self-confidence.
You are always enough. In any circumstance or situation, no matter who you interact with, how long or why, there is nothing missing from you as a human being. You are not deficient or stupid or incompetent, no matter what others who seem intent on ill-will may say.
Practice being assertive, as this skill will go a long way towards giving you the self-confidence to deal with any situation where you feel intimidated.

Psychology Around the Net: June 29, 2019

Time to dive into this week’s Psychology Around the Net, where we’ve got the latest on responding to teen emotional outbursts, whether the bystander effect is real, why being judgmental is harder on you than your target, and more.

How to Respond to Teens’ ‘Emotional Eruptions’: During a panel hosted by the Aspen Institute and The Atlantic earlier this week, clinical psychologist and author Lisa Damour explained that the same parents who calmly reassure their toddlers they’re going to be fine after skinning their knees often forget to offer the same reassurance to their teenagers — teens who often feel “completely swamped” and confused by their emotions.

Bystander Effect: Famous Psychology Result Could Be Completely Wrong: The “bystander effect” (sometimes called “bystander apathy”) states that individuals are less likely to try to help a victim when other people are around; the more people who are around, the less likely it is that one of them will try to help. Proposed reasons for the bystander effect include feeling less responsibility when others are around, fear of acting inadequately when being observed, and not seeing the situation as an emergency if no one else is taking action. Now, Richard Philpot at Lancaster University and colleagues question whether the bystander effect is actually real. After reviewing surveillance footage of violent situations in the UK, the Netherlands, and South Africa, they found that at least one person (but usually several people) intervened and tried to help in 90% of the cases. They also found that the likelihood of people intervening increased with the number of bystanders, which contradicts the definition of the bystander effect.

People’s Motivations Bias How They Gather Information: New research reported in PLOS Computational Biology suggests people will stop gathering evidence earlier once the data supports the conclusion they want than when the data supports the conclusion they want to be false.

Can Facebook Improve Your Mental Health? That’s a question that doesn’t often have a positive answer. However, a new study out of Michigan State University finds that regularly using the internet, and social media, could improve mental health among adults, as well as fight off psychological distress like anxiety and depression. Keith Hampton, professor of media and information at Michigan State University, says that an explanation for this surprising result could be that, until now, much of the research on the subject has been on youth and college students — not adults. The effects could be explained by life stages and not technology use.

For the Judgy Among Us: 6 Things That Happen Every Time You Judge Someone: Unless it comes with a black robe and gavel, being judgmental isn’t a good look for anyone — especially when it steals your opportunity to experience joy, keeps you focused on the past, and is basically a coward’s move.

Austerity and Inequality Fueling Mental Illness, Says Top UN Envoy: During an exclusive interview with the Guardian, Dr. Dainius Pūras, Special Rapporteur on Health for the United Nations, states taking measures to address inequality and discrimination would go a much longer way toward combating mental illness than the emphasis on therapy and medication we’ve had over the past 30 years. Says Dr. Pūras: “This would be the best ‘vaccine’ against mental illness and would be much better than the excessive use of psychotropic medication which is happening.” This comes on the eve of the doctor’s report on the right of everyone to the enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of physical and mental health.